You have no idea how much I want to impale them with the fork/spoon.
The one thing that REALLY bugs the hell out of me, when people reach for my food. It sounds like a joke but it’s not. I mean, like, jokingly is fine but if you’re srsly reaching for my food with the intention to take some for yourself or to just touch it to see what it is INSTANTLY PISSED.
-Dad walks in-
Dad: Oh, wut choo eatan?
Or even when you have candy or something and you set the bag down to type or whathaveyou and someone walks up “OOOOOOOOOO CANDY!”, and takes a handful. Go die. I’d be happy to share with you, just ask.
I’m just saying, don’t touch my shit. Why can’t I eat in peace?